Top ten surprises of new parenthood

There is an article on Babycenter.com about the top 10 surprises of new parenthood. I thought I'd take their list and add my thoughts. My comments are in blue.

No matter how much you prepare for it, parenting will blow your mind.Your kids will challenge you, bring you to tears, crack you up, and make you forget what you urgently had to do. They'll shatter the life you knew into a million pieces. Then they'll put it back together, like a stained-glass window, into something infinitely more complicated and beautiful.While every parent's biggest surprises are different, there are common themes to the ways that kids revolutionize our lives. Read on for the top ten surprises of new parenthood according to interviews with BabyCenter moms and dads.

Surprise #1: Your relationship with your partner will change.
"Before kids, we were inseparable. We talked all the time, went everywhere together. My friends said we acted like high school sweethearts," says new mom Kimberly Taylor of her relationship with her husband. Since their baby arrived, however, the couple has been constantly at odds."We hardly speak to each other. We're stressed out over money and bills. We fight a lot," Taylor says.

I wouldn't say this has been too much of an issue for us. I think at first, maybe for the first 6 weeks maybe, life was all about Marissa. We were trying to figure out this parenting thing and how to best care for this new little bundle. I had to spend a lot of time with the baby (I was on maternity leave, breastfeeding all day and night, etc) so there wasn't much time or energy left for Matt. But now, we feel like more of a family. Matt and I can enjoy some alone time in the evening after Marissa is in bed, which is great. So we have family time after work and on weekends, and "Matt and Jamie" time in the evenings after baby is asleep. It actually works out great (though mommy still tends to be drained by the time baby is in bed -- I pretty much go non-stop from about 6:30 am until she's asleep around 7:30 or 8:00 pm).

Surprise #2: You'll have no idea where the time goes
Those days of sleeping in or getting out the door in five minutes are a thing of the past. You will vaguely remember taking long, leisurely showers. You'll think you've left plenty of time to feed your baby and get him to the doctor's for his check-up — and you'll be late anyway. Where does the morning go?

I'm pretty sure I haven't been on time to a doctor's appt yet. It always takes me longer to get out the door than I estimate, though I am getting better at it. Having Marissa around definitely necessitates more strategic planning of our days, so we can work around meals and naps while still trying to get things done!!

Surprise #3: You may look different
The physical changes of parenthood catch many of us off guard. And we're not just talking about moms here.True, moms experience the brunt of changes like wider hips, stretched-out tummies, burgeoning then deflating breasts, and even bigger feet. But dads go through physical changes too — usually because of sympathy weight gain during their partner's pregnancy and lack of exercise time once the baby is born.

OK, yes, I'm still a little fatter and wider than I used to be. I would love to get a workout in occasionally but between work, errands and trying to spend time with Marissa, I have no time left for exercise. Sure, I could stop at the gym on the way home from work, but I'd rather go straight to pick up the baby and spend that hour with her.
Matt somehow still has plenty of time to work out and run, so he hasn't had any "sympathy weight gain" issues. Go figure.


Surprise #4: You'll join an exclusive worldwide club
Suddenly strangers smile at you, and moms start conversations in the checkout line. Your boss kindly asks how the daycare search went, and your neighbor comes over for playdates. With your babe in your arms, or in the stroller, you've earned a lifetime membership in this exclusive-yet-universal club called "parents."Many new parents enjoy this sense of belonging and security, as well as the automatic camaraderie with folks they meet.

This is true and I had no idea that it would be this way. I like the camaraderie.

Surprise #5: You'll be stronger than you ever imagined
"I've been shocked by what I'm capable of," says Alison Gluski, the mom of twin girls. "I never knew I could function — and run around all day chasing two children — on three hours of sleep and a granola bar."New mom Rachel Segobia says that she's still amazed by how she made it through labor and delivery.Other parents we spoke to say they can't believe how little sleep they survive on.

I was surprised to find out how you can make it through the day on very little food or sleep, especially at the beginning. Now that we have such a good sleeper, I don't have to cope much with that anymore!!


Surprise #6: You'll make "mistakes" you never anticipated
"I always swore I wouldn't let my child sleep with me — and then I had a baby. We co-slept until he was 10 months old because it was the only way I could get any rest," says Kimberly Taylor."I thought I'd never let my son have a pacifier past a certain age. At 3 years old, he still needed it to go to sleep — and all the other tricks never worked," says Doe Viscusi, the mother of three boys.We may go into parenthood determined to follow certain tenets. Then we meet our kids and discover they're little people with their own ideas and preferences. In other words, "mistakes" can be what happens when you find that what works for you and your child isn't what you had imagined.

We haven't really encountered this yet. I'm sure we will soon, though. I definitely swore I wouldn't let Marissa sleep in our bed as an infant and by gosh I've stuck to that (I want her to develop healthy sleep habits, not weird dependant ones). I think my brain works overtime in that I always try to think down the road to whether I will have to "break" a habit and whether the short term benefit is worth the effort of breaking the habit later on.

Surprise #7: Your friendships will change
"Friends? Who are they? All of my friends are still in their party phase," says Jill Furlong, mom to a 1-year-old. "They call me and ask me to go out clubbing. I laugh and remind them that I don't do that anymore."Many BabyCenter moms told us they're surprised by how their non-mom friends have drifted away. It can be hard for girlfriends who aren't going through the same thing to relate to constant talk of pregnancy or babies, or to understand how little time and energy is left for them."Three weeks into my pregnancy, my best girlfriend and I started drifting," says Alaina Shearer, who writes the blog Ms. Single Mama."She was the first. The rest slowly drifted out of my life as I became completely wrapped up in pregnancy and my forthcoming mommyhood," Shearer says. But good friendships can make it through life changes — sometimes it just takes work and time. Some of Shearer's old friends have resurfaced now that her son is older and she's more able to maintain contact. Plus, she's formed new friendships with other moms.

Definitely true. Basically what I've realized is that I need to have QUALITY instead of QUANTITY here. I don't need a lot of friends, I just need a few really good friends. Luckily, I have that! I think time with friends is important, so that Marissa doesn't become my life. I don't think that would be healthy for her or for me! And it doesn't matter whether they have kids or not; though I may talk about Marissa a lot, it's not the only thing I bring to the table so hopefully my non-kid friend(s) aren't bored to tears. Believe me, I remember how it was before we had kids and how it gets old hearing about babies!!

Surprise #8: There'll be times when you hate parenting
Being a parent isn't all Hallmark moments and instant bonding."I love my son more than anything, but he's so fussy all the time," says new mom Maggie Craven. "It's really hard listening to him cry."In fact, many new moms told us they've been taken aback by how tedious and isolating parenting can be. You said that the never-ending diaper changes and attempts to get your baby to nap wore on you. And then you felt guilty for not enjoying every minute of it. Some said you welcomed the end of maternity leave because you felt like you did a much better job in the 9-to-5 world than at home with your newborn all day. It's normal to have moments when you wonder whether you're really cut out for this parenting gig.

I honestly wouldn't say that I have ever hated parenting. Part of that is due to the fact that Marissa is a pretty good baby and a pretty chilled out kid. I will admit, however, that the comment about parenting being isolating is somewhat true. I remember when we first brought Marissa home, I felt really lonely all the time. Matt and I were used to spending lots of time together and lots of time with our friends. Then WHAM! You have this baby and you don't see anyone (including each other), you're worn out from labor, delivery and lack of sleep...it's pretty unglamorous. But that was pretty short-lived. I honestly enjoy being a mom almost 100% of the time. Do I wish I had more time for myself, such as working out, taking a shower that lasts longer than 10 minutes, getting my eyebrows waxed more than once every 2 months? Yes. Did I know I'd have to give some of that up for a while? Of course. It's worth it!! :-)

Surprise #9: You'll be overwhelmed by love (and other emotions)
"I never thought being a mom would be this emotional," says Cristy Kennerknecht. "I catch myself looking at my daughter, and there I am tearing up again!"It's an old stereotype — the parent who can't watch a commercial about calling loved ones long-distance without tearing up, much less a movie about a missing or hurt child.Whether it's due to hormones, gratitude, awe, sleep deprivation, or all of the above, parenthood often gives our feelings new depth. In a BabyCenter poll, 79 percent of moms say they cry more now — either because of happiness or sadness.

This is so true. What I'm most taken aback by is the pure joy that I feel all the time. I had no idea how much happiness this little creature would bring to our lives. I get so excited just to see her smile, hear her laugh. I definitely try to appreciate it all and not take it for granted. I also am surprised by how much I am affected by hearing sad stories about other people's children...I hate to hear about anything bad happening to a child. Not that I ever liked hearing that before...it just seems to affect me more deeply now.

Surprise #10: You'll have to let go sooner than you think
With every milestone your child reaches, he or she is moving away from being dependent on you.This may hit when you first see your baby crawling across the room, your toddler dashing around the corner, your preschooler resisting your hugs, or your big kid saying "I can do it myself." And while you're proud of your child's accomplishments, you may feel a twinge of sadness.Letting go isn't always easy, but it's essential, says psychologist and mom Leah Klungness."Parents who constantly hover and give their children the message that they can't do things on their own deprive them of the precious gift of independence," Klungness says.

She's not real independent at all yet, so I can't really comment on this. I do think, however, that neither Matt nor I will be "hovering" parents. That's my hope, at least. I hope she grows into a confident, independent woman and I would love to help her get there.