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Friday, April 18, 2008

What I didn't know before I became a mom

I spent my pregnancy reading lots of books and web sites that describe what is happening to you physically, and how the baby is developing each week. What I didn't do...and now regret...is read books on what to do with the kid once you get her home!! A few surprises that greeted me as I entered mommy hood:

My kid's butt needs a cork:
Yes, I knew the kid would poop a lot. I did not know that she would poop after every single feeding (and there are 8 - 10 feedings per day at the beginning!) for the first several weeks. In fact, Marissa is 9 weeks old and is still pooping after almost every feeding. She may skip one or two, but then she makes up for the volume on the next one. In fact, I have called the nurses' line at the doctor's office to ask if it's normal to poo so often and for it to be so runny. Of course I'm told it's normal and not to worry. Yes, I examine each poo to make sure the color and consistency is OK...if you had told me a year ago that I'd be spending my days examining doo doo, I would've told you that you're crazy. And also...there's some myth floating around out there that the poop of breastfed babies doesn't smell. What? That is a lie. And if you're lucky enough that your baby has odorless poop, then congratulations. My baby's poo smells really gross.

My cherub has a zit:
Everyone knows that babies have flawless skin...right? Wrong. It is true that her skin is the softest most precious thing, however, she seems to have a myriad of skin issues. First, peeling scalp -- cradle cap. In fact, her whole body peeled for a week or two (just flaky and dry). So mom of course had to worry about this and ask the doc about it. His answer "she just spent 9 months floating around in water...her skin is going to peel and flake. It's normal and there's nothing you can do about it." Okey dokie. Then there's a bumpy red rashy thing that covers certain spots on her face and chest -- baby acne. Pardon? I didn't know this existed and apparently there's nothing you an do about that, either. I'm beginning to figure out that for everything I worry about the answer from the doctor or nurse is "it's normal and there's nothing you need to do."

The bottomless pit:
I knew that all babies do is "eat, sleep, poop" -- or so they say. However, I did not know that the kid HAS to eat every three hours if they are breastfed. In fact, you have to wake her up if she is sleeping to make sure she feeds at least every three hours. This is painful, especially when you have to set the alarm in the middle of the night in order to get those feedings in. Then you struggle to keep her awake to ensure that she's getting enough during that feeding. So that leaves mommy sleep-deprived, and worried sick that your kid isn't getting enough food and is going to starve (since my boobs don't have a gauge that shows how many ounces she's had, it's a little hard to know).

Monitoring diapers, watching the scales and other fun ways to pass the time:
Since your boobs don't have an ounce indicator, the only ways to tell that you're baby is eating enough is to monitor the amount of wet and poopy diapers they have each day. And to track their weight gain at doctor visits. I kept a daily log of feedings (times, which boob to start with because apparently you switch the starting breast at each feeding) which included a column for tracking dirty diapers and their contents and frequency. The kid obviously is eating enough. However, the real reassurance comes when you get to go to the doctor for a weigh in. Each pound gained is a little victory. Our kid gains about 2lbs per month so far...which is good. 1.5 - 2lbs per month is normal. I wish for every pound she gains that mommy would lose a pound. When I went to the doctor I will admit that I was relieved that 6 weeks after giving birth I was only 10 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight. Considering I gained close to 40 lbs, that ain't bad. I should be able to get rid of these last 10 lbs pretty quickly if I could find some time to work out. I have to lose them pretty quickly unless I want to buy another wardrobe...because my butt's too big to fit into most of my old pants. I can't believe that before I was pregnant I ever was unhappy with my figure and wanted to lose 5 lbs or whatever...I now look at those pants and say "gosh, I was tiny." Funny how your perspective changes!!

What's the deal with all the theories and methods on baby sleep?
There are enough books and opinions out there on how to get your baby to sleep through the night that it could fill up Sanford Stadium. How has this become such an obsession? Believe me, now that Marissa IS sleeping through the night I understand the importance of this feat and how life-altering it is. But seriously, if you read too much your brain is going to become so full that it will short circuit. I have a book called "BabyWise: Giving your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep." A friend of mine recommended it to me, told me to take it with a grain of salt and use my own instincts, and I thought I'd check it out since both of her kids were sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. I won't get into all the details, but basically the part I followed was the "eat/play/sleep" order of events, and making sure you feed your kid every three hours (which my doctor told me I had to do, anyway) but always make sure you get a FULL feeding (no 5-minute snack feedings) thus the need to keep her awake during the feedings. The idea behind eat/play/sleep is so that the kid doesn't start depending on nursing to get to sleep. The idea, which makes a lot of sense, is to not give your kid "props" that they rely on to get to sleep. Worked for us...she slept through the night starting at 6 weeks.
Other methods include letting the kid "cry it out" which fortunately we didn't have to do because she dropped the feeding on her own...versus attachment parenting in which the parent succumbs to every whim of the infant, picks them up at the first whimper, feeds them 'round the clock if the baby just wants to suckle and not really eat, etc, etc. People are very opinionated on these topics and basically tell you that if you're not doing XYZ (with XYZ being the method they are employing) then your kid's going to end up being emotionally and physically damaged in an irreparable way. Whatever...just find a book that makes sense to you, take it with a grain of salt, employ it along with your common sense and make it fit your life and your parenting style. Your kid will be fine.

Can you grab that door? My hands are full.
Babies are small but require a lot of crap to get through a 2 hour visit at your sister's house. I found this out today. I went to Judy's to hang out, get some adult interaction, see my nephew and let her see her niece. We only stayed for a couple of hours, yet for some reason I needed a huge diaper bag full of stuff (including a bottle warmer, a change of clothes just in case -- see 'cork' entry above if you're wondering why -- among other necessities such as diapers, wipes, etc). And really, there were a couple additional items that I probably could've brought but we survived without them. The carseat alone weighs two tons and once you add a chubby kid it's almost too heavy for little mommy to carry very far. It's pretty awkward.

But the best thing I've discovered...
One little goofy grin, one cuddle, one laugh or one coo can melt my heart. And that motherhood is amazing.

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